We got to have another girls' night at the hospital last night. I DID take the cookies this time!
There is some new and terrible language we are learning about a 'tumor burden'. I don't even know if I completely understand it, but it seems like a cluster of grapes - except they are small tumors.
There is a cluster pressing on her chest causing her to have breathing difficulty and there is one on her back that they are just starting to figure out.
That is where the facts stand. She is fighting so dang hard.
But, then we talked about her nieces and nephews and how proud of them she is. About how things are tasting that are strange and funny and about finding plain chips in a BBQ bag. Just random life stuff.
She did say something that made me really think and I share it so that maybe someone else can learn also.
She has a friend who lives in another state. My friend's perspective is that to her friend - she is like a trophy sick friend. Like - someone for her friend to talk about and fuss about. Their friendship doesn't seem to be built on any thing other than the illness updates.
I don't ever want to be that friend. Maybe that person doesn't even know what she is doing so I want to be gracious - though I feel protective.
My take away and what I would share...just be a regular friend. Talk about stuff that isn't about doctors, medicine, or side effects.
What made your friend you friend? Talk about that. Friendship is a two way street. I need to keep her up on my stuff too. That is what friends do and I know it is a connection to regular life.
Of course, there are days when I am just there to listen and not gab about my 'stuff'. Again, that is normal in 'regular' friendships also.
My friend is not a victim and doesn't want to be treated as one. She is fighting hard and that is an indication of living. That is a good thing.
This may sound strange but we don't walk around talking about our 'black' friends, 'Chinese' friends or 'divorced' friends...why would we designate our 'cancer' friend?
And yet, I did. That is the title of this blog. The balance is so fine and I am consciously aware of it. I am mindful to her and in our community of friends, but here I am laying it all out. She is a different kind of friend.
While it is not about me, she has taught me so much...so much she may never know. I don't want to miss that fact. Really though she has helped me to be a better friend to all of my friends.
More conscious, more listening, more loving.
