The End

Last week was a whirlwind.  She was having a hard time swallowing and resting and walking. 

Was this the cancer or the side effects of the medication?

I don't remember what day she went into the hospital, I think it was Wednesday.  I went Thursday.  She was able to sit up and talk to us.  We talked about all kinds of things like normal.  The family, dumb stuff in the news...how hard it was to get her out of the house.  The wheel chair is too big and the door jams are too narrow.  Then we talked about modifying her bedroom and the spare room to make it one big one with a good bathroom.  We talked about her going home and how to make it better.

I went home that night and the precious men in my life brain stormed with me.  We talked about a social media blitz to raise the funds to do the upgrades to the house.  My dear son talked about how we could sell plates of food and if we sold them for $10 each, we would only need 3000...

The next day, Friday, I finally got to talk to my friend's Mom at her house, no listening ears.  I told her of our great plan to make the house ready for her to come home.  She is such a precious lady.  She tenderly let me know that we wouldn't be doing that.  She would not be coming home this time. 

Can't fix this one.  Can't make it better. 

Ok. Ok.  Breath.

Later that day, Mom texted to let me know that the PA suggested Hospice for comfort only to be shut down hard.  THERE was my girl.  Fighting this thing again.  BUT really, she does not have a choice in this matter and doesn't seem to realize it.  The scans have come back to reveal a tumor pressing on her trachea and esophagus.  Pushing them into a U shape. No more chemo or radiation.  Nothing else can be done now.  It is too aggressive. 

Saturday I got to be there for the day with her.  Her sister came down from up North.  Niece from town, A high school friend. Dad made it to town late that night.  Of course, Mom. 

We talked and laughed and tried not to cry.  The Doctor came in to speak to her and let her know that with the morphine...there were risks.  DNR/DNI, was she ready for that?  Did she realize that was what she was explaining?  It was surreal.  She said she understood.  We all did.

She was in so much pain.  Trying to breath.  Oxygen, Morphine.  Mostly sleeping or resting her eyes. 

It was time for me to go.  It was time for all of us to go.

The next morning (Sunday) at 9:05 I got the text from my friend that her precious sister had finally let it go.  It was over.  

Held in the arms of her Mom and Dad, she took her last breath.  Her sister and niece were by her side. 

She touched so many lives with her driving force and fierce love.

I truly hope we all showed her how much we loved her back.

The Elephant

It has been a rough go for my friend lately. 

Too many words to write.

Always - the elephant in the room.

How much longer can she take all that medication they are pumping her with?

How much longer can the chemo and the radiation and the steroids keep these tumors at bay?

How much longer can she tolerate the side effects of all of it?

I don't ask her.  I just wonder.  It makes me pray. 

To you who may be reading who is facing an elephant...just keep praying.  God knows.